Just as much i dont want people to believe me, i want them to believe me
Just as much as i think all my feeling were fake, i also feel that they're real
Just as much as i despise myself, i want to be respected
Just as much as i want to win against my darkside, i want to accept it
Just as much as i deny myself, i want to be accepted
Just as much as i hate myself, i want to be understood
Just as much as i crave for attention, i ignore it all the way i can
Just as much as i believe no one can ever love me, i want to be loved
And just as much as i want to love, i dont feel that i m capable to love
All of these ambigous feeling  is tearing me apart
It feels like i'm swallowed by it and can no longer identify myself

These are merely very selfish wish of me
Wishes that conflicted against each other